Why do Desi Parents Secretly Want a Bad Daughter?

My mom has been actively trying to get me married since I was 21-years-old now that I’m nearing 28, she’s losing her mind. Honestly, normal guys tend to find girlfriends to marry so they’re taken. What I’m left with are mouth-breathing momma’s boys who’ve never socialized with humans… ever.

Just peachy.

Forget having no game or not being able to talk to a girl, these guys don’t know how to talk to another human being. They’re worse than Raj Koothrapaali—at least he’s got some skills which improve with alcohol intake. At least he actually has a personality!

The guys I’ve met thus far are just useless bags of skin—I swear. One guy didn’t blink ( I swear he never blinked, my aunt can confirm this fact), one guy has his life controlled by his elder sisters, one thought I was “too educated,” and his ego couldn’t take it I guess, one had no opinions outside of what his mother told him, one literally lived in front of a computer playing video games, and let’s not get started on their mothers. Why do none of them have hobbies? aspirations? ambitions? a mind of their own?

frustrated, annoyed

The pool of desi guys with a bio-data is tiny, yet there are thousands of girls, why? Because desi girls are taught not to socialize with guys, don’t date that’s what “bad girls do,” too much dating or even socializing with friends is considered “too wild” but then they expect us to magically produce a boyfriend we’ve been secretly harboring at the perfect age of 25.

I’m sorry, what?!?

So…. what I’m hearing is you WANTED me to break the rules? You wanted me to lie to you and sneak around with a boy? To hide under the covers to talk late night with my boyfriend and sneak out the window to meet him?

raven symone, chewing gum, nervous

Not that I could, I had iron window guard rails—clearly, my parents were just screwing with me and wanted to see how I could get around such an obstacle. (Too bad for them I’m a lazy fat fuck so I’m not about to dig my way outta that one. )

Like my whole life I’m taught to be a good girl but now I’m fucked because my parents wanted me to do the wrong thing and I didn’t do it right. Not only did I suck at being a good daughter I suck at being a bad daughter too.

Clearly, I can’t get anything right.

oh well, nikki minhaj

My mother STILL thinks I secretly have a boyfriend and then she awkwardly gives me lectures that it’s ok, she’ll accept if he’s not the same ethnicity or religion as us. She pats my head and says “don’t worry I’ll talk to your dad.”

Sorry, mom, I apparently don’t have the skills to disappoint you properly, I don’t have ANYONE.

I’m perpetually single because I have commitment issues, but that’s a story for another day.

[Gif Source: Giphy]


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